The Litany Against Fear

I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. (Frank Herbert)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

33 weeks

Today's sonogram was excellent! Amniotic fluid jumped to 12. Apparently I'm the buzz around Parinatology this week. Heart rate was also great. Lots of activity. Normally she takes a nap when they hook us up to the monitor. She's also been getting a lot of hiccups which means she's practicing breathing. All in all, a good day.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Normal

The sonographer was so shocked by today's fluid level that she checked it 3 times. The level is up to 10! That's the low end of normal. Finally something in this pregnancy is normal. Woo hoo! Everyone in the room hi-fived like uber dorks, but it was a great moment that needed a little celebrating. Anya has grown as well. From the lowly 3rd percentile to the slightly better 7th percentile. With the way things have gone I don't expect this to last, but I'm gonna enjoy the weekend, take it easy, and try not to fret until the next sonogram on Tuesday.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

big move consequences

I was allowed to go home from hospital Sunday when the amniotic fluid finally hit 6. Wasted weekend because we really needed to pack up our house for our move to the "Big House" with my brother and his family. Docs told me to rest -again- although not necessarily Bed Rest. Went back for sonograms on Tuesday and the fluid was 7. Decided to post-pone Herceptin 2 weeks to get me into the 33-34 week range (36-37 is the max the docs will allow). By the sonogram that Friday fluid was up to a lofty 8.

However, I was still under the advice to rest, rest, rest, and drink a ton, but I couldn't just lay there and let my husband do all the work. So I helped when and where I could. I know I shouldn't have, but I did and now I'm dealing with the consequences. This Tuesday the sonogram showed a drop down to 5 instead of an increase like we expected. So this time I was chastised and given strict orders to remain resting on couch or bed.

Of course, I'm clearly not following orders by sitting at my desk to entertain myself on my computer. I will rest and drink more than I have been the last few days, and since I have now put away all my clothes and toiletries I can put off unpacking anything else. With luck the fluid will be up a little by the next sonogram on Friday. If it doesn't then I might go back to the hospital and I won't be able to see the production of Wicked that my friend bought me a ticket to see.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Hospital Again

I got admitted to the hospital on Wednesday because Anya's fluid was low again. Same plan as last time: fluids, rest, monitor baby. Only this time the fluid didn't come back up right away, so I'm not allowed to go home. Well technically I can go home but it would be against advisement. I certainly want to do everything within my power to get the fluid up and keep Anya safe. Unfortunately there isn't a lot I can do but wait and hope. We'll be taking it a few days at a time. The next sonogram will be Sun and if the fluid's up I'll go home. If it remains the same I'll stay longer. If it goes down...well I don't want to think about that until the time comes. Other than the fluid and small size, Anya seems perfectly happy in her cramped little world. Her heart, lungs, brain, placenta and cord all seem to be working well. A little relief on top of all the worry.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Uneventful Sonogram

Everything was A-OK on the sonogram this week. Fluid was still at 9. Little odd since we expected it to drop some after treatment, but we're not complaining. Not ready to hope the rest of the pregnancy will be a breeze. Always have the feeling that something bad is right around the corner. Same way with cancer. Always fearing the next bit of bad news. It's a defense mechanism, but it takes a bit of the joy out of life. Still, if I didn't have my guard up, every time something went wrong I'd be a complete basket case.